Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
