shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
