I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
