just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
