i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
