quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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