Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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