I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
