I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
