Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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