The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
