If i come over, it means nothing
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
