Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize