How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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