i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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