WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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