never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
