He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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