I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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