He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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