Where did you get a picture of my penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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