I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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