I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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