just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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