hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
