Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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