I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
