The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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