just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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