Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
