I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
don't judge my taste in strippers
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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