he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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