so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
