i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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