Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
