Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
