I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
