Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
