btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
