He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
