and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
