Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
