I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
