I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
