if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize