drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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