I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
