He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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