You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
