my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize