Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
