where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I smell stomach acid.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
