Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
