I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I understand Curling. That high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
