I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
