Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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