dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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