You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
