I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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