apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
