Already got asked if we're dating
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
