Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
