Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How's work?
Spinning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
