the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
