She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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