she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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