i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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