I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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