I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
