you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
