She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize