Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
