Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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