I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
