he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
