He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
