Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
