I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
