Your mouth is God's brothel.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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