oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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