Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
