There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
