I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
