you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
