they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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