2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
