You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
