I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize