I wannas sexs uuuuu
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
