I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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