Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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