I faked an abortion last night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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