I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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