Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
