But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
