If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
