Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
