At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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