Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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